I find it therapeutic to write down my thoughts, especially the negative ones. Doing so makes me feel like I have a voice, even if only a handful of people hear it. So here goes.
Every time I leave and return to Utah, I take a week or two to adjust to the fact that I'm stuck here for another few years. Two weeks ago, I spent the weekend in Boise with the family and four days last week in Austin with the urban family.
Q: My husband was the number one reason for returning to the Beehive State from the Gem State. The number one reason for returning from Texas, considering I had my husband with me there?
A: My sense of responsibility; although, one look at my work email prodded me to expedite getting on the librarian register for the military which closes next month. I shudder and feel trapped at the thought that the economy may take several years to improve (but at least I have a secure job now, ho hum).
Luckily, my husband is being exposed to outside influences and recognizes the benefits of diverse demographics and beliefs; yummy restaurants; beautiful parks; open-minded church members; and warmer weather. He even commented on how healthy the people in Austin looked compared to Utahns.
I'm tired of hearing people here talk about "the world" outside "Zion" and how the lives of nonmembers are shallow and rampant with sin. These comments come from the same people who are born and raised in the same county they decide to settle down in as adults, with limited experience outside the state (and, no, missions don't count). They also tend to be vocal about some fringe, gloomy, and strange beliefs that I've never heard before (and, no, I'm not being close-minded about these ideas either; they are just plain weird!).
Yes, the mountains and national parks are beautiful (the primary reason to visit Utah). The cost of living isn't very high. There are some respected universities and research facilities. I imagine the crime rate is pretty low (except for meth use). The Salt Lake City central library was named Library of the Year. The Olympics were here in 2002 (yipee!). It is home to a few celebrated authors. I met my husband here.
For some Utah is a wonderful place to call home. For me, well, let's just say that after 3.5 years I have yet to feel at home--and it's not for lack of trying--so I chalk it up to that maybe I just wasn't meant to spend the rest of my life here.
Every time I leave and return to Utah, I take a week or two to adjust to the fact that I'm stuck here for another few years. Two weeks ago, I spent the weekend in Boise with the family and four days last week in Austin with the urban family.
Q: My husband was the number one reason for returning to the Beehive State from the Gem State. The number one reason for returning from Texas, considering I had my husband with me there?
A: My sense of responsibility; although, one look at my work email prodded me to expedite getting on the librarian register for the military which closes next month. I shudder and feel trapped at the thought that the economy may take several years to improve (but at least I have a secure job now, ho hum).
Luckily, my husband is being exposed to outside influences and recognizes the benefits of diverse demographics and beliefs; yummy restaurants; beautiful parks; open-minded church members; and warmer weather. He even commented on how healthy the people in Austin looked compared to Utahns.
I'm tired of hearing people here talk about "the world" outside "Zion" and how the lives of nonmembers are shallow and rampant with sin. These comments come from the same people who are born and raised in the same county they decide to settle down in as adults, with limited experience outside the state (and, no, missions don't count). They also tend to be vocal about some fringe, gloomy, and strange beliefs that I've never heard before (and, no, I'm not being close-minded about these ideas either; they are just plain weird!).
Yes, the mountains and national parks are beautiful (the primary reason to visit Utah). The cost of living isn't very high. There are some respected universities and research facilities. I imagine the crime rate is pretty low (except for meth use). The Salt Lake City central library was named Library of the Year. The Olympics were here in 2002 (yipee!). It is home to a few celebrated authors. I met my husband here.
For some Utah is a wonderful place to call home. For me, well, let's just say that after 3.5 years I have yet to feel at home--and it's not for lack of trying--so I chalk it up to that maybe I just wasn't meant to spend the rest of my life here.
5 comments:
Anonymous said...
Admittedly, I haven't been active in the church for quite some time. The unfortunate ideals are that because I have chosen not to attend regularly, I am now faithless.
I empathize with many of your frustrations.
After being accepted to both BYU & UofU, I attended the University of Utah for a millisecond. The shock from Germany to Utah was too much for me, I strongly admit. Most responses I had to "where did you come from?" were equally met with "I've heard of people visiting Germany, but not living there."
There is much good there. Still, with there to be much good, it's equally bad. Unfortunately, it boils down to ignorance and/or lack of consideration.
We're all ignorant to degrees with respect to cultures, ideals, places, societies, etc. And for some, no one's feelings are above truth.
It's a beautiful place...nice to visit.
mags said...
I so understand. Next year I come up for my first tenure review, and as I am working on jumping through those hoops and discussing the future with my husband, I often think, do I really want to be stuck in Utah for a few more years, or for my entire career? I definitely could spend my entire career here, but I don't know if I'd be entirely happy spending the rest of my life in Utah. I know Don would likely go insane (and he was born and raised here) -- he wanted to get out of Provo at the first opportunity and move to the middle east, but instead we met and got married. For him, it's the complete lack of job opportunities in his field and the provincial, superficial, and sometimes even judgmental people (don't ever get him started about people who question his choice to show up to church with facial hair). For me, it's sometimes the weather, sometimes the people, and sometimes the sheer weirdness of it all. Like realizing that the best part about being called to the nursery is not having to go to Sunday School, where I'd have to listen to octogenarians (and older) going off on what sounds to me to be non-scriptural doctrine. Or Utah County politics (yes, I'm a Democrat, so I must be going to hell). I just don't want to start feeling so out of place that I start being reactionary for the sake of being reactionary, if you know what I mean.
Christy said...
Austin loves you. So do I.
And Barton Springs is cold. And cycling is fun. And the green belt is a blast. And dinosaur footprints will always make me think of you. Always.
Christy said...
And you posted this on our anniversary. :):):)
Bob Sawatzki said...
I, too, am a recovering Utahn.
:)